So, I've decided to post a new blog. In doing so, I realized that my last post was over two years ago! That's not ok.
Many things have changed in my life over the past two years. Honestly, it's hard to remember what was happening in my life two years ago. Most recently, I got out of a terrible, terrible relationship, and I started grad school! Along with grad school I started an internship at UNITY of Greater New Orleans assisting with their programs to house the homeless individuals of New Orleans. So far it has been an amazing experience, often times overwhelming in the sense of how many people in this city are in need of help and also the information overload about how non-profits work. It's amazing how they are just completely dependent upon funding and then you have to try to explain this to everyone that calls for assistance.
The whole school aspect has been a challenge. It's extremely difficult to be out of school for 3 years and then go back and try to write papers and have good study habits. I'll be honest, I haven't been very good at it so far, but I think things are turning around. It's just so great to be surrounded by people that are passionate about the same things you are.
Anyway, I'd like to talk about my dating life because I think it's the most fascinating concept. Dating is such an awkward, unpredictable experience. I have a love hate relationship with dating. It can be fun and exciting meeting new people and having guys pay for your drinks and stuff. It can also be extremely uncomfortable to attempt to find topics of conversation or go about that first kiss thing. So anyway, my ex-boyfriend and I broke up a little over three months ago. About 5 days after that I banged this guy I've known for about two years. I just had this insatiable urge to have sex with someone else just to know that I could do it. I know that logic doesn't really make sense, but whatever. So it took me about 2 months to really put myself out there and start talking to guys again. I was just trying to really stay focused on school and not let other things distract me.
So anyway, my first "date" post relationship was with "Greg". I typically date black men and I've been trying to switch it up so this was the first white guy I had talked to in awhile. We met up for drinks and he proceeded to accuse me of not knowing the "real New Orleans" when I told him my view on the race relations here. Please, to anyone out there, do NOT tell me that the race relations in New Orleans are better than most places. I will get irritated. Just look at the almost entirely segregated educational system in this city and then tell me race relations are good. Fuck off. After this conversation things were fine. We were hitting it off, having a good time. Then it's about time to go home. We stop in a park and he starts making out with me. I was all about it. I was drunk and horny. Then he tries to convince me to have sex. Really dude?? Maybe when I was 19. I went home, we never hung out again.
My second date was with "Stanley". I met him at a bar in Mid-City and we knew a bunch of the same people because he plays kickball with my co-workers. So, we set a date. He took me out to dinner, bought drinks after, then took me back to his house to hang out. We watched a documentary on midgets and a few episodes of The Office. As the night was winding down and it was about time for me to go home, he awkwardly asked if I wanted to make out? Um, no, that's awkward. I laughed, told him I was an awkward person and then he took me home. I was determined to hang out again. We hung out a week later when he invited to his place to watch football. I get there and it's him and another couple. Awkward fucking city. They finally leave and it's still awkward. I start thinking it's me because I'm just totally tired and out of it. So as I leave for the night he tells me he'll be at this bar for the Saints game and if I want a break from studying that's where he'll be. The next day I go to this bar to meet up with him. I get kinda drunk and am talking and being myself. He's still awkward. This is the moment I realize it's him NOT me. When I go to leave I say, "so....I'm having a really hard time reading you, I can't tell if you're interested". He responds with....."well I'm kind of interested.....I like hanging out....I'd like to keep hanging out". I laugh. And we never talk again.
I'm supposed to hang out with another guy tonight. I'll tell you all about it. Hopefully, for entertainments sake, it's just as awkward as the previous story. God knows I love awkward situations. By the use of the word awkward in this blog it's obvious it's the story of my fucking life.
P.S. it's funny to me that I COMPLETELY forgot about this guy I had sex with. It was in the beginning of September. He was 21, I met him in a Baton Rouge bar, we hung out a few times. He was a nice guy, just smoked way too much.
Sorry for the looooooonng blog.
Sunday, October 9, 2011
Tuesday, August 11, 2009
I Believe I Can Fly
I think too many people let their lives get out of control. My life has been out of control for the past few months. Not out of control to an extreme where I’m making completely reckless decisions, but out of control in the sense that I’m getting too caught up in things that don’t matter. It’s so easy to get lost in the bullshit of boys, going out, drinking, what other people think, etc., etc.. Sometimes you just need to slow down, reflect on your goals, and look at what you’ve been doing to accomplish them. Well, I’ve gotten to a point where I need to refocus on what matters, and the things that I care about. In the grand scheme of things, most of the stuff I worry about is so insignificant.
I came to this city with a plan. Not a specific plan, but a general plan. That plan was to make a difference. Now, I know I’m not gonna save the world, or the city of New Orleans, but I would like to save someone. I just want to make someone else realize their own happiness, and that life’s problems are all part of a beautiful struggle. I don’t care how I make this happen. If it be through my volunteer work, my paid work, whatever. I just want other people to be happy.
I feel like I’m beginning to make a difference in my volunteer work. I went roller skating with my kids last week and I really think they enjoyed the fact that I was there. Neither of them knew how to roller skate so I went around the rink once with each of them holding their hands. They’re just such fun loving, intelligent children and I hope they can get through this whole situation. I’d share more, but of course there are privacy matters. It’s just crazy to think how your childhood affects you for the rest of your life. I think about my life, and all the messed up nonsense that I’ve been through, and how it’s affected my mentality and perspective of the world. At the age of 23 I’m still working through things that happened so long ago, and I know I’m going to continue to work through these things for a very long time. It just pains me to look at these children and realize that when they’re my age and older their going to be trying to make sense of all the drama that happened in their lives when they were 9 and 11. And it makes me angry that parents can’t realize that they’re setting their kids up for a life long battle.
Anyway, I start a new job next week. I’m going to an Assistant Teacher at a day care center. Now, this isn’t exactly what I want to be doing but I certainly think I will be getting some fulfillment. I do love working with children and they have a certain way of putting a smile on your face and making you forget about the drama of life. There are only 5 teachers, 2 of them lead teachers, and 3 assistants. As of now, I’ll be working with infants and 1 year olds. I kind of wanted to work with the older ones, but I think I will enjoy the babies. Since there are only 5 teachers, there is going to be a lot of room for creativity and individual input. The vibe I get from the director and other employees is that we’re all going to be working together to figure things out. I like this. It’s like a family.
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor about a week and a half ago to get a health form filled out for this new job and I figured I would talk to him about my anxiety. I’ve just been getting progressively spastic and restless. It was getting to a point where I felt like it was affecting my life. One day at work, I went from being super happy and then I started thinking too much and stressing out. I became all sad and quiet and had this nervous feeling and I just really wanted to go home. So I’m in the kitchen and I drop this giant container of sauce and it spills everywhere. One of the cooks asks me if I need a hug, he hugs me, and then I run to the storage room and start crying. Not balling crying, but tears. I wasn’t upset about the sauce, the sauce just a reflection of what was happening in my head. It was an explosion of all the thoughts, the cherry on top of my anxiety sundae. So this was the point when I decided I needed to talk to a doc. So he gave me a speech about how he believes a lot of this stuff is mind body and what not. He wrote me a prescription for hydroxyzine and sent me on my way. I take the pills when I work but that’s about it. I really took to heart what he said, and it was kind of an eye opener that I need to make some changes. I’m happy to be starting this new job, because I am definitely someone that needs routine. The whole restaurant worker schedule will make you crazy. It also made me realize, as I mentioned in the beginning, that I need to gain better control of my life. Also, it made me reflect. I wanted to make sense of why I’m having this anxiety, and why now, in New Orleans, it’s at a point where I think I need medication. I believe it to be the culture change. I know I’m still in America, but coming from fast paced DC type shit, to like the most chillest and laid back city of all time, is just hard to handle. It’s what I love about this city, but my mind still works in DC/Maryland mode, and my mind overflows or something.
Now I know I mentioned that boys are part of the bullshit earlier, but I need to talk about it. I was talking to Ellen last night and we were discussing all this boy nonsense. The world of dating is crazy. I’ve talked to probably close to 10 guys in the past few months and not a single one had any potential. Maybe I write people off to fast, but I don’t have time to waste with silly shit. Maybe I’m tooting my own horn, but I think I’m pretty normal and I have a pretty good idea of the rules and procedures to dating. I’m finding it impossible to find a guy that understands this as well. From the men I’ve talked to recently, it’s either too little or too much. They’re either sketchy and flaky or way too into you. Where can I find someone in the middle? Am I crazy? And to the boys out there, you need to call, you need to plan the first date, and you need to be the one chasing us. Just don’t chase too hard. Also, to the girls out there, nothing to do with dating, don’t be fucking crazy. It’s not all about you, be ok with other girls getting attention, and don’t be complete whores.
To everyone: Be happy with other people’s happiness. Strive to make yourself a better person. Try to be nice, and not make other people feel insecure with who they are. Lastly, just laugh at the negative, and the awkward(I have a lot of that in my life.). Life’s too short.
My apologies for venting.
I’d also like to announce that I’ve made monumental steps in my life. I think I’m finally over that one guy. You should all know who I’m talking about, unless you don’t know me that well, which in that case, you would have no idea. Anyway, I’ve spent many years (about 3) wasting time with guys that didn’t deserve me. I knew they sucked, but I suppose I thought I couldn’t do any better. I’m done with all that, and I mean it. I know what I want, I know what I need, and I know what I deserve. Ok, so maybe I don’t know exactly what I want and need but I do know how I want, need, and deserve to be treated. I’d like all my girlfriends and sisters to know this as well. The reason so many men suck is cause women let them suck. But enough with men, time to refocus!!!!!!!!!
I came to this city with a plan. Not a specific plan, but a general plan. That plan was to make a difference. Now, I know I’m not gonna save the world, or the city of New Orleans, but I would like to save someone. I just want to make someone else realize their own happiness, and that life’s problems are all part of a beautiful struggle. I don’t care how I make this happen. If it be through my volunteer work, my paid work, whatever. I just want other people to be happy.
I feel like I’m beginning to make a difference in my volunteer work. I went roller skating with my kids last week and I really think they enjoyed the fact that I was there. Neither of them knew how to roller skate so I went around the rink once with each of them holding their hands. They’re just such fun loving, intelligent children and I hope they can get through this whole situation. I’d share more, but of course there are privacy matters. It’s just crazy to think how your childhood affects you for the rest of your life. I think about my life, and all the messed up nonsense that I’ve been through, and how it’s affected my mentality and perspective of the world. At the age of 23 I’m still working through things that happened so long ago, and I know I’m going to continue to work through these things for a very long time. It just pains me to look at these children and realize that when they’re my age and older their going to be trying to make sense of all the drama that happened in their lives when they were 9 and 11. And it makes me angry that parents can’t realize that they’re setting their kids up for a life long battle.
Anyway, I start a new job next week. I’m going to an Assistant Teacher at a day care center. Now, this isn’t exactly what I want to be doing but I certainly think I will be getting some fulfillment. I do love working with children and they have a certain way of putting a smile on your face and making you forget about the drama of life. There are only 5 teachers, 2 of them lead teachers, and 3 assistants. As of now, I’ll be working with infants and 1 year olds. I kind of wanted to work with the older ones, but I think I will enjoy the babies. Since there are only 5 teachers, there is going to be a lot of room for creativity and individual input. The vibe I get from the director and other employees is that we’re all going to be working together to figure things out. I like this. It’s like a family.
Oh yeah, I went to the doctor about a week and a half ago to get a health form filled out for this new job and I figured I would talk to him about my anxiety. I’ve just been getting progressively spastic and restless. It was getting to a point where I felt like it was affecting my life. One day at work, I went from being super happy and then I started thinking too much and stressing out. I became all sad and quiet and had this nervous feeling and I just really wanted to go home. So I’m in the kitchen and I drop this giant container of sauce and it spills everywhere. One of the cooks asks me if I need a hug, he hugs me, and then I run to the storage room and start crying. Not balling crying, but tears. I wasn’t upset about the sauce, the sauce just a reflection of what was happening in my head. It was an explosion of all the thoughts, the cherry on top of my anxiety sundae. So this was the point when I decided I needed to talk to a doc. So he gave me a speech about how he believes a lot of this stuff is mind body and what not. He wrote me a prescription for hydroxyzine and sent me on my way. I take the pills when I work but that’s about it. I really took to heart what he said, and it was kind of an eye opener that I need to make some changes. I’m happy to be starting this new job, because I am definitely someone that needs routine. The whole restaurant worker schedule will make you crazy. It also made me realize, as I mentioned in the beginning, that I need to gain better control of my life. Also, it made me reflect. I wanted to make sense of why I’m having this anxiety, and why now, in New Orleans, it’s at a point where I think I need medication. I believe it to be the culture change. I know I’m still in America, but coming from fast paced DC type shit, to like the most chillest and laid back city of all time, is just hard to handle. It’s what I love about this city, but my mind still works in DC/Maryland mode, and my mind overflows or something.
Now I know I mentioned that boys are part of the bullshit earlier, but I need to talk about it. I was talking to Ellen last night and we were discussing all this boy nonsense. The world of dating is crazy. I’ve talked to probably close to 10 guys in the past few months and not a single one had any potential. Maybe I write people off to fast, but I don’t have time to waste with silly shit. Maybe I’m tooting my own horn, but I think I’m pretty normal and I have a pretty good idea of the rules and procedures to dating. I’m finding it impossible to find a guy that understands this as well. From the men I’ve talked to recently, it’s either too little or too much. They’re either sketchy and flaky or way too into you. Where can I find someone in the middle? Am I crazy? And to the boys out there, you need to call, you need to plan the first date, and you need to be the one chasing us. Just don’t chase too hard. Also, to the girls out there, nothing to do with dating, don’t be fucking crazy. It’s not all about you, be ok with other girls getting attention, and don’t be complete whores.
To everyone: Be happy with other people’s happiness. Strive to make yourself a better person. Try to be nice, and not make other people feel insecure with who they are. Lastly, just laugh at the negative, and the awkward(I have a lot of that in my life.). Life’s too short.
My apologies for venting.
I’d also like to announce that I’ve made monumental steps in my life. I think I’m finally over that one guy. You should all know who I’m talking about, unless you don’t know me that well, which in that case, you would have no idea. Anyway, I’ve spent many years (about 3) wasting time with guys that didn’t deserve me. I knew they sucked, but I suppose I thought I couldn’t do any better. I’m done with all that, and I mean it. I know what I want, I know what I need, and I know what I deserve. Ok, so maybe I don’t know exactly what I want and need but I do know how I want, need, and deserve to be treated. I’d like all my girlfriends and sisters to know this as well. The reason so many men suck is cause women let them suck. But enough with men, time to refocus!!!!!!!!!
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Intruder Alert
So, I’ve decided to give everyone a glimpse into my private life.
First of all, I’m happy. Legitimately happy. That may seem weird to some, considering my financial situation and my lack of acceptable employment. I only have money for necessities and alcohol, which I would consider a necessity. I haven’t bought more than two articles of clothing in the past 7 months. I have absolutely no furniture and I finally got a REAL mattress after sleeping on an air mattress for six months. I have to buy store brand food and I haven’t had a hair cut since I lived in Maryland, solely because I don’t want to spend the money. Of course, I’m not living in extreme poverty or anything but I’d certainly be more stable if I was still in Maryland. Regardless of this, I am happy. Happy because I love this city and I don’t even know why. People ask, and I can’t really explain why, but I just feel like it’s where I belong, at least for now.
I also have friends that understand me. Well, maybe not exactly understand me, but appreciate me for who I am. I’ve also had a few recent reality checks that many people don’t understand me and find me far too weird, or at least too weird to date. I’ll tell a story. So I meet this guy at the bar one night. I had talked to him before, but not for an extended period of time. We totally hit it off and end up talking all night. I leave with him and his friends to go hang out and in the end he sleeps at my house. Nothing scandalous happens, but he stays till 4 the next day. Two days later he wants to get some drinks after I get off work. So, we get drinks, he’s very touchy feely at the bar, I’m meeting all his friends. Even though this is the second time we’d hung out, these are good signs, signs of potential. So he spends the night, and leaves around 2 the next day. So two days later I give him a call and leave a message because his phone was off. That night I run into him at the bar. Thank god I was drunk, because it was already awkward. So I sit down with him and we start chatting. I ask something along the lines of, “so what’s going on here”? Blah, blah, blah. He proceeds to tell me how awkward I am and I say a lot of underhanded insults and I make him uncomfortable, and he doesn’t need to feel that way. The whole time I’m not saying a word, and then say, “Well, I told you I have a wall up”. He says, “Well, I don’t really like walls”. I say, “I’m going to walk away now”. And that’s what I did. Due to things being extremely uncomfortable at this point, I leave the bar about 10 minutes later. (By the way, M.M., if you read this and the story is wrong, please correct me).
The second person that rejected me wasn’t quite as rude. Basically, I get drunk; tell this guy I work with that I like him. He seemed to like me too, maybe. I work with him the next day after this happens and after work we’re sitting at some tables chatting. I know I’m weird and I know I’m awkward. So apparently after I left, he goes to the manager and is like, Claire’s so weird, I thought she was into me, now I don’t know. And so on. Not sure exactly what was said. The next day, my friend convinces me to text him, so I do, and I never get a response. Totally not a big deal, but rejection all the same.
That’s right. I’m so weird that I scared away two guys in less than three weeks. The thing is, it was a blessing in disguise. Now that I’ve been rejected so much recently, I’m ready to throw myself out there, because rejection isn’t so bad. The night my text went unanswered I ended up meeting this guy and we totally hit it off. Thanks to Jace, who bought me a shot so I would go talk to him and stop telling him how the hottest guy in the world was at the bar. Anyway, we might hang out soon, we might not. But guess what? I don’t even care. These experiences have taught me that a lot of people in this world aren’t going to understand my personality. Anyone that knows me knows I’m awkward and weird, and slighty/extremely out of control at times. I think that’s ok. I also think that there are plenty of guys out there that can appreciate it and think its ok too. I can definitely handle some more rejection. Plus, my mom told me that there’s someone out there for me and moms are always right.
I hope this isn’t too much information. I usually don’t talk about men in my blogs, but I thought it might make it a little more interesting.
First of all, I’m happy. Legitimately happy. That may seem weird to some, considering my financial situation and my lack of acceptable employment. I only have money for necessities and alcohol, which I would consider a necessity. I haven’t bought more than two articles of clothing in the past 7 months. I have absolutely no furniture and I finally got a REAL mattress after sleeping on an air mattress for six months. I have to buy store brand food and I haven’t had a hair cut since I lived in Maryland, solely because I don’t want to spend the money. Of course, I’m not living in extreme poverty or anything but I’d certainly be more stable if I was still in Maryland. Regardless of this, I am happy. Happy because I love this city and I don’t even know why. People ask, and I can’t really explain why, but I just feel like it’s where I belong, at least for now.
I also have friends that understand me. Well, maybe not exactly understand me, but appreciate me for who I am. I’ve also had a few recent reality checks that many people don’t understand me and find me far too weird, or at least too weird to date. I’ll tell a story. So I meet this guy at the bar one night. I had talked to him before, but not for an extended period of time. We totally hit it off and end up talking all night. I leave with him and his friends to go hang out and in the end he sleeps at my house. Nothing scandalous happens, but he stays till 4 the next day. Two days later he wants to get some drinks after I get off work. So, we get drinks, he’s very touchy feely at the bar, I’m meeting all his friends. Even though this is the second time we’d hung out, these are good signs, signs of potential. So he spends the night, and leaves around 2 the next day. So two days later I give him a call and leave a message because his phone was off. That night I run into him at the bar. Thank god I was drunk, because it was already awkward. So I sit down with him and we start chatting. I ask something along the lines of, “so what’s going on here”? Blah, blah, blah. He proceeds to tell me how awkward I am and I say a lot of underhanded insults and I make him uncomfortable, and he doesn’t need to feel that way. The whole time I’m not saying a word, and then say, “Well, I told you I have a wall up”. He says, “Well, I don’t really like walls”. I say, “I’m going to walk away now”. And that’s what I did. Due to things being extremely uncomfortable at this point, I leave the bar about 10 minutes later. (By the way, M.M., if you read this and the story is wrong, please correct me).
The second person that rejected me wasn’t quite as rude. Basically, I get drunk; tell this guy I work with that I like him. He seemed to like me too, maybe. I work with him the next day after this happens and after work we’re sitting at some tables chatting. I know I’m weird and I know I’m awkward. So apparently after I left, he goes to the manager and is like, Claire’s so weird, I thought she was into me, now I don’t know. And so on. Not sure exactly what was said. The next day, my friend convinces me to text him, so I do, and I never get a response. Totally not a big deal, but rejection all the same.
That’s right. I’m so weird that I scared away two guys in less than three weeks. The thing is, it was a blessing in disguise. Now that I’ve been rejected so much recently, I’m ready to throw myself out there, because rejection isn’t so bad. The night my text went unanswered I ended up meeting this guy and we totally hit it off. Thanks to Jace, who bought me a shot so I would go talk to him and stop telling him how the hottest guy in the world was at the bar. Anyway, we might hang out soon, we might not. But guess what? I don’t even care. These experiences have taught me that a lot of people in this world aren’t going to understand my personality. Anyone that knows me knows I’m awkward and weird, and slighty/extremely out of control at times. I think that’s ok. I also think that there are plenty of guys out there that can appreciate it and think its ok too. I can definitely handle some more rejection. Plus, my mom told me that there’s someone out there for me and moms are always right.
I hope this isn’t too much information. I usually don’t talk about men in my blogs, but I thought it might make it a little more interesting.
Sunday, June 21, 2009
Me
I suck at this. It’s been 3 weeks since my last blog.
I think this city might be the death of me. I’ve gone out drinking 3 times in the past week, which really isn’t that crazy, but the bars don’t close so each time I end up staying out till like 3 or 4 in the morning. If the bar won’t tell me to go home, why should I? I went out on Tuesday with my roommate Tony. He bought all my drinks as a late birthday present. Overall, a good night, except for losing the key to my bike lock. Then I went out on Thursday to a bar with no air conditioning! It was torture. I also went out last night. I started the night with a shot of Bacardi Gold at my house with my friend Melissa and then proceeded to chug gin and tonics all night at the bar. To make a long story short, I ended up crying on my front porch and talking to my mom at 4 in the morning. And this is why New Orleans might be the death of me.
Another reason might be if I get myself shot. I was walking to work the other day when I passed a parked car. Not realizing there were people in the car, I looked inside after hearing music playing. Apparently I looked a little too long, and three young boys were not too happy about it. They demanded to know what I was looking at and of course I answer, “I’m looking at you”. Terrible decision. It’s sad because I was really just trying to check them out, thought they might be cute. So my response provokes one of the boys to get out of the car asking if I want to fight. I continue walking and shaking my head. Another terrible decision was to continue walking down the same street. They pass me later on yelling profanities out the window. The funny part is I was eating a banana as they drove past.
There isn’t too much going on in the job search world. I do have an interview tomorrow morning for an assistant teaching job for this new program. It’s a group interview so there will be 2 others and then a panel of interviewers. I think this is a really dumb concept, mainly because the thought of it puts my anxiety at an all time high. Other than this I haven’t heard back from any other jobs and I haven’t really been applying anywhere. It’s almost as if I don’t care anymore. Its like, whatever, I’ll find something eventually but until then I’ll just do what I have to do. Not a great mentality, but it’s certainly where I’m finding myself.
Hmmm….New Orleans. Definitely where I want to be right now. Someone seriously needs to visit me ASAP. Then they can realize that this is where they want to be right now as well.
I think this city might be the death of me. I’ve gone out drinking 3 times in the past week, which really isn’t that crazy, but the bars don’t close so each time I end up staying out till like 3 or 4 in the morning. If the bar won’t tell me to go home, why should I? I went out on Tuesday with my roommate Tony. He bought all my drinks as a late birthday present. Overall, a good night, except for losing the key to my bike lock. Then I went out on Thursday to a bar with no air conditioning! It was torture. I also went out last night. I started the night with a shot of Bacardi Gold at my house with my friend Melissa and then proceeded to chug gin and tonics all night at the bar. To make a long story short, I ended up crying on my front porch and talking to my mom at 4 in the morning. And this is why New Orleans might be the death of me.
Another reason might be if I get myself shot. I was walking to work the other day when I passed a parked car. Not realizing there were people in the car, I looked inside after hearing music playing. Apparently I looked a little too long, and three young boys were not too happy about it. They demanded to know what I was looking at and of course I answer, “I’m looking at you”. Terrible decision. It’s sad because I was really just trying to check them out, thought they might be cute. So my response provokes one of the boys to get out of the car asking if I want to fight. I continue walking and shaking my head. Another terrible decision was to continue walking down the same street. They pass me later on yelling profanities out the window. The funny part is I was eating a banana as they drove past.
There isn’t too much going on in the job search world. I do have an interview tomorrow morning for an assistant teaching job for this new program. It’s a group interview so there will be 2 others and then a panel of interviewers. I think this is a really dumb concept, mainly because the thought of it puts my anxiety at an all time high. Other than this I haven’t heard back from any other jobs and I haven’t really been applying anywhere. It’s almost as if I don’t care anymore. Its like, whatever, I’ll find something eventually but until then I’ll just do what I have to do. Not a great mentality, but it’s certainly where I’m finding myself.
Hmmm….New Orleans. Definitely where I want to be right now. Someone seriously needs to visit me ASAP. Then they can realize that this is where they want to be right now as well.
Monday, June 1, 2009
Life
Hi! I just got an angry text from my sister telling me I need to write another blog, so here I am. It’s been over a month since my last blog so I’ll try to remember some interesting stuff that has happened.
I found the first cockroach in my house. I’m assuming I will find more as the summer goes along and it gets even hotter. It was in the bathroom downstairs and it wasn’t as big as the ones I normally see, but you know when you find 1, there are hundreds where it came from. Sccarrrryy. Anyway, I’m deathly afraid of cockroaches. I see them at work all the time and they are huge and they move so fast! These girls at work were telling me how they crawl up your pants and run up your leg really fast until they get to your thigh and can’t fit anymore. There are also flying ones that might just land on my head one day. I am so paranoid about these things happening because it’s going to be super embarrassing when I flip the fuck out in public. I tried to get really close to one at work because I thought it would make me less creeped out, but NO they have these things sticking off their legs and it made it a hundred times worse! I don’t care about the murders and the torturous heat; it’s the roaches that might push me out of this city. In the future, I want to start putting pictures on this blog. That way you guys can see one of these beautiful roaches for yourself!
Speaking of murders, a 16 year old boy died from one gun shot to the head on the steps of a church the other day. I read the New Orleans crime news religiously. I also look for those that got killed and those that did the killing on myspace. I know this might be borderline creepy, but I guess it just makes it more real to me. It allows me to have a picture of those wanted in case they walk in front of my house and it also allows me to better acknowledge a young life lost. It is so sad that the majority of these murders are mostly men under the age of 25. They don’t realize how dumb this street life mentality is until it’s too late.
I’m going home in less than a week, and I’m super pumped. Although things down here are definitely getting more comfortable and normal, I’m so home sick! I actually feel like I might be building a social life! Matt, Monica’s friend from Capital One, moved down here about a month ago and it’s definitely been nice knowing I have someone I can call if I ever feel like going out. Also, the other day after work I went out with some of the girls from Reginelli’s and it felt so comfortable. We had some drinks, talked about girl stuff, it was nice. Yesterday I went to a kickball game. I guess it’s made of numerous restaurants in the area and they all play each other every Sunday. Well, our team is called the Pieholes. We bought daiquiris on the way. After the game, everyone heads to one of the bars that sponsors the games and plays beer pong and what not. It was definitely a good time.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll try to write there more frequently.
I found the first cockroach in my house. I’m assuming I will find more as the summer goes along and it gets even hotter. It was in the bathroom downstairs and it wasn’t as big as the ones I normally see, but you know when you find 1, there are hundreds where it came from. Sccarrrryy. Anyway, I’m deathly afraid of cockroaches. I see them at work all the time and they are huge and they move so fast! These girls at work were telling me how they crawl up your pants and run up your leg really fast until they get to your thigh and can’t fit anymore. There are also flying ones that might just land on my head one day. I am so paranoid about these things happening because it’s going to be super embarrassing when I flip the fuck out in public. I tried to get really close to one at work because I thought it would make me less creeped out, but NO they have these things sticking off their legs and it made it a hundred times worse! I don’t care about the murders and the torturous heat; it’s the roaches that might push me out of this city. In the future, I want to start putting pictures on this blog. That way you guys can see one of these beautiful roaches for yourself!
Speaking of murders, a 16 year old boy died from one gun shot to the head on the steps of a church the other day. I read the New Orleans crime news religiously. I also look for those that got killed and those that did the killing on myspace. I know this might be borderline creepy, but I guess it just makes it more real to me. It allows me to have a picture of those wanted in case they walk in front of my house and it also allows me to better acknowledge a young life lost. It is so sad that the majority of these murders are mostly men under the age of 25. They don’t realize how dumb this street life mentality is until it’s too late.
I’m going home in less than a week, and I’m super pumped. Although things down here are definitely getting more comfortable and normal, I’m so home sick! I actually feel like I might be building a social life! Matt, Monica’s friend from Capital One, moved down here about a month ago and it’s definitely been nice knowing I have someone I can call if I ever feel like going out. Also, the other day after work I went out with some of the girls from Reginelli’s and it felt so comfortable. We had some drinks, talked about girl stuff, it was nice. Yesterday I went to a kickball game. I guess it’s made of numerous restaurants in the area and they all play each other every Sunday. Well, our team is called the Pieholes. We bought daiquiris on the way. After the game, everyone heads to one of the bars that sponsors the games and plays beer pong and what not. It was definitely a good time.
Anyway, that’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll try to write there more frequently.
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
Whaaaaat?
Wow, it’s been almost a month since I’ve written a blog. Right now I’m sitting watching America’s Next Top Model in my living room. It’s fabulous.
Soooo....I go to Wal-mart about a week ago to get a movie from the Red Box. This guy starts talking to me and next thing you know he's going to his car to write his number down for me since I don't have my phone. While I'm waiting for him to come back, this guy from work, Dustin, insists that I go with him into the store. I go with him and insist that we must leave out of a different door and go around Wal-mart to avoid this guy. Dustin wants McDonald's and then by the time he eats it's been like 30 minutes. I think I'm safe, so we go out the entrance I met this guy at. Outside, I pass this guy and feel the need to say hello after I ditched him and ran off with some other guy. All he says is, "I guess you got what you wanted", like implying that I was just walking around Wal-mart waiting to be picked up by someone I thought was hot. Anyway, it was super awkward and I felt guilty for hours afterward. Karma is definitely gonna get me.
I went to French Quarter Festival over the weekend. Well not actually the Festival, because that ends at like 10pm and I didn’t go down there till about 11 or 12. I went with this guy that used to work at the pizza place, Jake. We went to this place called the Dungeon, where a bunch of goth people hang out, but it was pretty cool. I overheard this conversation while I was in the bathroom with these two guys talking about what a turn-off certain shoes are and how bright red heels look terrible or something. All I know is I was super pissed for some reason and wanted to punch these guys in the face, mainly because they were fat and unattractive and had no room to be judging anyone. Or maybe it was because I was wearing grungy flip-flops and then felt self-conscious, haha. So then, Dustin shows up at the bar out of nowhere. In the next hour, him and Jake get into like 3 separate arguments and then Dustin ran off. It was super weird, and way too dramatic for men.
Anyway, I’ve been pretty stressed because public school ends in like 4 weeks, which means substitute teaching and tutoring will stop. Of course I’m still applying to jobs, but it’s scary because I will have nothing to do except work at the stupid pizza place. The job market just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
My one roommate is driving me crazy. I’m kinda nervous to write about this because I feel like the wrong person might read it. Oh well, whatever. So I come home today and his girlfriend is popping his back zits in the living room. First of all, that’s completely fucking disgusting. Second, if you’re going to do that, at least go into the privacy of your room. And when they have sex, she sounds like a crying baby or a cat or some weird animal. It’s so nasty, especially considering she’s in high school.
So, last but not least, I officially joined match.com. It’s funny, I know. I’ve always checked out those dating sites to see who’s on there, but had never considered becoming a real member. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing, where I was just like fuck it, let’s do it. I’m hoping this will bring great stories to tell everyone.
This is definitely an A.D.D blog.
Soooo....I go to Wal-mart about a week ago to get a movie from the Red Box. This guy starts talking to me and next thing you know he's going to his car to write his number down for me since I don't have my phone. While I'm waiting for him to come back, this guy from work, Dustin, insists that I go with him into the store. I go with him and insist that we must leave out of a different door and go around Wal-mart to avoid this guy. Dustin wants McDonald's and then by the time he eats it's been like 30 minutes. I think I'm safe, so we go out the entrance I met this guy at. Outside, I pass this guy and feel the need to say hello after I ditched him and ran off with some other guy. All he says is, "I guess you got what you wanted", like implying that I was just walking around Wal-mart waiting to be picked up by someone I thought was hot. Anyway, it was super awkward and I felt guilty for hours afterward. Karma is definitely gonna get me.
I went to French Quarter Festival over the weekend. Well not actually the Festival, because that ends at like 10pm and I didn’t go down there till about 11 or 12. I went with this guy that used to work at the pizza place, Jake. We went to this place called the Dungeon, where a bunch of goth people hang out, but it was pretty cool. I overheard this conversation while I was in the bathroom with these two guys talking about what a turn-off certain shoes are and how bright red heels look terrible or something. All I know is I was super pissed for some reason and wanted to punch these guys in the face, mainly because they were fat and unattractive and had no room to be judging anyone. Or maybe it was because I was wearing grungy flip-flops and then felt self-conscious, haha. So then, Dustin shows up at the bar out of nowhere. In the next hour, him and Jake get into like 3 separate arguments and then Dustin ran off. It was super weird, and way too dramatic for men.
Anyway, I’ve been pretty stressed because public school ends in like 4 weeks, which means substitute teaching and tutoring will stop. Of course I’m still applying to jobs, but it’s scary because I will have nothing to do except work at the stupid pizza place. The job market just keeps getting smaller and smaller.
My one roommate is driving me crazy. I’m kinda nervous to write about this because I feel like the wrong person might read it. Oh well, whatever. So I come home today and his girlfriend is popping his back zits in the living room. First of all, that’s completely fucking disgusting. Second, if you’re going to do that, at least go into the privacy of your room. And when they have sex, she sounds like a crying baby or a cat or some weird animal. It’s so nasty, especially considering she’s in high school.
So, last but not least, I officially joined match.com. It’s funny, I know. I’ve always checked out those dating sites to see who’s on there, but had never considered becoming a real member. It was kind of a spur of the moment thing, where I was just like fuck it, let’s do it. I’m hoping this will bring great stories to tell everyone.
This is definitely an A.D.D blog.
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
So………I’m finding it hard to write these blogs. It’s difficult to just throw stuff out there.
Well, moving half way across the country and not knowing a single person where you’re going is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. There are days when I feel so alone and I wonder when I’ll make friends that are like my friends back home(probably won't happen). It just totally throws you out of your comfort zone. I’ve always been the outgoing person that didn’t have to try to get invited out or be the one pushing to be friends with someone. It’s not like college where everyone is trying to make friends, everyone here already has their group and most of these people, aside from my roommates, are locals. I’m also learning a lot about myself. Good things and bad things. I’ve learned how independent and capable I am, and that I love throwing myself into uncomfortable and challenging situations to learn from them. Although, most of you know that considering the awkward situations I have consistently put myself into for the entertainment of it all. I have also learned that I have a lot of things to work on, in terms of personal growth. No need to go into detail here.
On Monday I got sworn in at the Jefferson Parish Juvenile Court as a CASA Advocate. There is going to be a bigger celebration at the end of May where you invite all of your family and friends but unfortunately none of you will be there. But I’m sure you will be in spirit!! I also got my first case, which, for obvious reasons, I can’t really talk about. I can tell you it’s a sibling duo of a 10 year old boy and a 7 year old girl, and I will be meeting them next week!! It is very strange that since moving here I have fallen in love with children. They really put a smile on my face!!! My neighbor is a 5 year old girl named Macy, and she is gorgeous. She tells me she is going to work at the pizza place I work at and we are gonna go to work together one day. How can you not love that?
I’m now back to substitute teaching and it’s getting a little easier. Every time I walk into a class I still get terrified that they will be an out of control class that will not listen to a word I’m saying. It also sucks because I become an evil, point deducting, writing bad reports to the teacher, kinda substitute. I told a third grader they were acting like a jerk the other day! Even the bad kids have personalities that you have to appreciate though. In fact, a lot of the bad ones that appear to have anger problems or something, seem to be the most intelligent. It’s like they're just mad they got stuck in a class with a bunch of idiots. Most of the kids are really sweet and wonderful, it just ends up that you have to pay more attention to the bad ones. Like the first month I was here I didn’t hug a single person. That may not seem that weird, but it sucks. Not a single hug for that long. Anyway, kids in a class I was substituting for were the first people to hug me in New Orleans, and that made my day. And some kids today kept telling me I looked like a model, and that also made my day.
Ahhh…..New Orleans is a ridiculous city. People make turns while driving really slowly, it drives me crazy. Everyone here is in denial of the racial separation, even though it is so obvious to me. Everyone really does say “alright” when you ask how they are. I have yet to buy food that wasn’t delicious. The roads are completely fucked up and are probably ruining my car. Even though this is supposed to be the city of drinking, I have yet to see anybody act as out of control as my friends back home. By home I mean Frederick, D.C., and of course Philly.
P.S. My sisters suck at sending me pics, so if anyone in Frederick wants to go see my nephew and take lots of pictures and is technologically capable of sending me these pics online that would be awesome!!!!
Well, moving half way across the country and not knowing a single person where you’re going is probably the most difficult thing I’ve ever done in my entire life. There are days when I feel so alone and I wonder when I’ll make friends that are like my friends back home(probably won't happen). It just totally throws you out of your comfort zone. I’ve always been the outgoing person that didn’t have to try to get invited out or be the one pushing to be friends with someone. It’s not like college where everyone is trying to make friends, everyone here already has their group and most of these people, aside from my roommates, are locals. I’m also learning a lot about myself. Good things and bad things. I’ve learned how independent and capable I am, and that I love throwing myself into uncomfortable and challenging situations to learn from them. Although, most of you know that considering the awkward situations I have consistently put myself into for the entertainment of it all. I have also learned that I have a lot of things to work on, in terms of personal growth. No need to go into detail here.
On Monday I got sworn in at the Jefferson Parish Juvenile Court as a CASA Advocate. There is going to be a bigger celebration at the end of May where you invite all of your family and friends but unfortunately none of you will be there. But I’m sure you will be in spirit!! I also got my first case, which, for obvious reasons, I can’t really talk about. I can tell you it’s a sibling duo of a 10 year old boy and a 7 year old girl, and I will be meeting them next week!! It is very strange that since moving here I have fallen in love with children. They really put a smile on my face!!! My neighbor is a 5 year old girl named Macy, and she is gorgeous. She tells me she is going to work at the pizza place I work at and we are gonna go to work together one day. How can you not love that?
I’m now back to substitute teaching and it’s getting a little easier. Every time I walk into a class I still get terrified that they will be an out of control class that will not listen to a word I’m saying. It also sucks because I become an evil, point deducting, writing bad reports to the teacher, kinda substitute. I told a third grader they were acting like a jerk the other day! Even the bad kids have personalities that you have to appreciate though. In fact, a lot of the bad ones that appear to have anger problems or something, seem to be the most intelligent. It’s like they're just mad they got stuck in a class with a bunch of idiots. Most of the kids are really sweet and wonderful, it just ends up that you have to pay more attention to the bad ones. Like the first month I was here I didn’t hug a single person. That may not seem that weird, but it sucks. Not a single hug for that long. Anyway, kids in a class I was substituting for were the first people to hug me in New Orleans, and that made my day. And some kids today kept telling me I looked like a model, and that also made my day.
Ahhh…..New Orleans is a ridiculous city. People make turns while driving really slowly, it drives me crazy. Everyone here is in denial of the racial separation, even though it is so obvious to me. Everyone really does say “alright” when you ask how they are. I have yet to buy food that wasn’t delicious. The roads are completely fucked up and are probably ruining my car. Even though this is supposed to be the city of drinking, I have yet to see anybody act as out of control as my friends back home. By home I mean Frederick, D.C., and of course Philly.
P.S. My sisters suck at sending me pics, so if anyone in Frederick wants to go see my nephew and take lots of pictures and is technologically capable of sending me these pics online that would be awesome!!!!
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