Intruder Alert

So, I’ve decided to give everyone a glimpse into my private life.

First of all, I’m happy. Legitimately happy. That may seem weird to some, considering my financial situation and my lack of acceptable employment. I only have money for necessities and alcohol, which I would consider a necessity. I haven’t bought more than two articles of clothing in the past 7 months. I have absolutely no furniture and I finally got a REAL mattress after sleeping on an air mattress for six months. I have to buy store brand food and I haven’t had a hair cut since I lived in Maryland, solely because I don’t want to spend the money. Of course, I’m not living in extreme poverty or anything but I’d certainly be more stable if I was still in Maryland. Regardless of this, I am happy. Happy because I love this city and I don’t even know why. People ask, and I can’t really explain why, but I just feel like it’s where I belong, at least for now.

I also have friends that understand me. Well, maybe not exactly understand me, but appreciate me for who I am. I’ve also had a few recent reality checks that many people don’t understand me and find me far too weird, or at least too weird to date. I’ll tell a story. So I meet this guy at the bar one night. I had talked to him before, but not for an extended period of time. We totally hit it off and end up talking all night. I leave with him and his friends to go hang out and in the end he sleeps at my house. Nothing scandalous happens, but he stays till 4 the next day. Two days later he wants to get some drinks after I get off work. So, we get drinks, he’s very touchy feely at the bar, I’m meeting all his friends. Even though this is the second time we’d hung out, these are good signs, signs of potential. So he spends the night, and leaves around 2 the next day. So two days later I give him a call and leave a message because his phone was off. That night I run into him at the bar. Thank god I was drunk, because it was already awkward. So I sit down with him and we start chatting. I ask something along the lines of, “so what’s going on here”? Blah, blah, blah. He proceeds to tell me how awkward I am and I say a lot of underhanded insults and I make him uncomfortable, and he doesn’t need to feel that way. The whole time I’m not saying a word, and then say, “Well, I told you I have a wall up”. He says, “Well, I don’t really like walls”. I say, “I’m going to walk away now”. And that’s what I did. Due to things being extremely uncomfortable at this point, I leave the bar about 10 minutes later. (By the way, M.M., if you read this and the story is wrong, please correct me).

The second person that rejected me wasn’t quite as rude. Basically, I get drunk; tell this guy I work with that I like him. He seemed to like me too, maybe. I work with him the next day after this happens and after work we’re sitting at some tables chatting. I know I’m weird and I know I’m awkward. So apparently after I left, he goes to the manager and is like, Claire’s so weird, I thought she was into me, now I don’t know. And so on. Not sure exactly what was said. The next day, my friend convinces me to text him, so I do, and I never get a response. Totally not a big deal, but rejection all the same.

That’s right. I’m so weird that I scared away two guys in less than three weeks. The thing is, it was a blessing in disguise. Now that I’ve been rejected so much recently, I’m ready to throw myself out there, because rejection isn’t so bad. The night my text went unanswered I ended up meeting this guy and we totally hit it off. Thanks to Jace, who bought me a shot so I would go talk to him and stop telling him how the hottest guy in the world was at the bar. Anyway, we might hang out soon, we might not. But guess what? I don’t even care. These experiences have taught me that a lot of people in this world aren’t going to understand my personality. Anyone that knows me knows I’m awkward and weird, and slighty/extremely out of control at times. I think that’s ok. I also think that there are plenty of guys out there that can appreciate it and think its ok too. I can definitely handle some more rejection. Plus, my mom told me that there’s someone out there for me and moms are always right.

I hope this isn’t too much information. I usually don’t talk about men in my blogs, but I thought it might make it a little more interesting.